Growing up, every image depicted around me gave the message that most dark girls were ugly. So, when people would say, "You're pretty for a dark-skinned girl," I took it as a compliment. Because I felt that most people didn't expect to find beauty in dark-skinned Black girls, so when they claimed to find beauty in me, I actually felt flattered. All was well in my little bubble. After all the derogatory comments I heard about my complexion throughout childhood, it felt like a step up from being told by my darker-skinned grandfather that I was "nothing but a black bitch. One day, for what seemed like the umpteenth time, someone granted me the usual back-handed compliment, telling me I was pretty despite being dark-skinned girl, only this time my mom was there to witness it. As I smiled and said, "Thank you," my mother became incensed. If you can't simply tell her she is pretty, don't say anything at all. Boy was she furious.
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‘It made me feel like I would never be wanted’
Majority culture in America tends to portray skin color as a binary: You either have light skin or you have dark skin. The reality, though, is that skin color is a spectrum. And frankly, most people of the African diaspora fall somewhere in the range of colors that, in the post-Rihanna makeup-line era , we canonically refer to as from Fenty to Fenty So, why do media depictions tend to highlight those with lighter skin and looser curl pattern in their hair? The paper bag test was a practice in some American clubs, churches and other community organizations — including some African Americans ones — of holding a brown paper bag against the skin of a would-be entrant. If you were lighter than the paper bag, you passed the test and were welcomed; if you were darker than it, you needed to stay out. Though the test is no longer explicitly happening in public, the impact of colorism persists : Studies show that the privileges associated with having a lighter skin tone range from greater success in school and the workplace to a lower likelihood of being arrested, and shorter jail sentences. When the hashtags BrownSkinGirl and BrownSkinGirlChallenge hit Twitter, tags like WhiteSkinGirlChallenge popped up — whether created by trolls or not, they speak to the idea that celebrating one kind of beauty inherently means denigrating another. Even some within the diaspora had a knee-jerk reaction because the song specifically named women darker than them. We know that representation matters, that it is important for young girls and women to not only see people that look like them succeed, but also to hear that they have worth and value.
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She was fine marrying in an LDS church instead of the temple, didn't want to convert me, and most importantly didn't try to change my beliefs or opinions. It certainly isn't easy. Maybe it was because I was so young when I made the choice, maybe it was because I was the oldest child in an extremely active family with parents that just expected me to be a shining example to the younger kids. I am happy and established successful comp. I know it will get better over time. It's been tough to always move and find a new job, friends etc I agree a support system is needed. When my nephews started looking at porn on computers everybody blamed me when it wasn't me. I decided to do the mormon thing and just not think about it too much right now. I think there's a chance you two can find a way to agree on a lifestyle and values.